At this starting point I must revert to my standard movie review …..

If you want to be edified … Read a book …..
If you want to be uplifted ….. Go to church …..
If you want two hours under industrial air conditioning, with and ice cold soda and fresh hot popcorn …… Go to a movie …….

The only way this movie will receive any serious critical praise is as an “homage” ……

“MACHETE” is truly an “homage” in the same way “NATURAL BORN KILLERS”, “ZOMBIELAND”, “GRINDHOUSE”, “RESIDENT EVIL” and “FROM DUSK ‘TIL DAWN”
are all and have each become an homage to their genres …

Danny Trejo as a lead and a hero is just a magic moment and a vision of hope for old guys ……
Don’t tell me NO acting ….
Don’t tell me NO delivery ….
This is Danny Trejo … This is the guy that makes Albert Molina look like an cherubic altar boy …..
This is the ultimate Hispanic bad boy …..

Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriquez are here for window dressing and some kick-butt beauty …. They both serve very well at this …..

Lindsay Lohan is here for ….. who can really care ? I know it elluded me …. Any blonde bimbo would have served as well if not better …..

I think Robert DeNiro, Jeff Fahey, Steven Segal and Don Johnson showed up for a hoot, or maybe they signed on because of Robert Rodriguez or the inevitable
cult status awaiting “MACHETE” ….

“Cheech” Marin as a shotgun toting priest and not a comic relief or sidekick ….

Just maybe everyone showed up for Robert Rodriguez ….
Only Quentin Tarantino can bring this much grittiness and violence to screen, and allow you to enjoy it …..
( I oft times think Robert Rodriguez and Quinton Tarantino are just the same souls locked in alternate universes … )

I truly enjoyed this cult destined flick ….. I may see it again this weekend ….

So …..

If you want to be edified … Read a book …..
If you want to be uplifted ….. Go to church …..
If you want two hours under industrial air conditioning, with and ice cold soda and fresh hot popcorn …… Go to a movie ……. See “MACHETE” …..